I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
