Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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