It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
