Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
