you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
