the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
