they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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