I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
