Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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