I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
