If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
