guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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