Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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