Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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