Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
