you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
