So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
