he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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