Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
