Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
