nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
