I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
