he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
