I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
