you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
