...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize