Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
