Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
