so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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