I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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