to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i think i have two assholes
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
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Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
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Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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