im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We left the knife in your bed.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
