Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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