Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
