if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
