i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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