it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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