Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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