let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
