No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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