I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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