You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
