hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
