Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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