vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
