if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Oh god it's open bar.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
