yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
