Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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