I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize