I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
