I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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