you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
