i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's shark week go big or go home
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
