Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
