Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Mom said you looked used
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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