Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
