Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
