whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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