I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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