I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
