i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
