Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
love makes seman taste better
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
