1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
