So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
