sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
