Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
