I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
