please come you make the beer taste better
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
