Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
