i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
