my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Farmville is her only friend.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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