I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
smell my finger.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
