literally had 100 drinks last night.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
