I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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