I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's just like the Real World with babies
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
