He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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